As a working mother, at this time of year I feel like I’m staring at the GPS of my life and it’s stuck on that all-too-familiar screen that simply reads, “Recalculating.” With new school schedules, sports schedules, activity schedules, meal times, bus times, dropoff and pickup times, homework times, and bedtimes….everything is one big tangle of newness.  I don’t quite have my bearings yet; I’m venturing a guess that you might not either.

And believe me, I’m the kind of girl who cherishes having her bearings. I’m not so great at living in a state of perpetual adaptation. But that’s what September brings, so that’s my life right now. As a result, until our schedule settles into place, I’m trying things on for size but not forcing myself to make any declarations of how things will be until I’m good and ready. I’m living with the questions instead of having all the answers.

I’m watching my three munchkins wrestle with the changes, too. Except rather than living with the questions, my kiddos are looking to me to have the answers. Sometimes they don’t even ask them out loud, preferring that I infer the question from their little upturned, tear-stained faces. Other times, they actually ask.

“Why am I so hungry at bedtime?” (Because we had dinner at 5:45 – which is the only way it works before soccer – and you’re used to eating an hour later.)

“Why did we miss the bus?” (Because, for the love of God, it hasn’t come at the same time two days in a row since school started!)

“Why don’t I have a lunchbox this year? I had one last year! Remember?” (Because this year you get home from kindergarten at 11:15 and last year you were in preschool till 1:00. It doesn’t make sense to me either, honey. In fact, so far I’ve forgotten this fact – TWICE – and packed a lunch for you in last year’s lunchbox!)

“Why are my clothes all laid out in a row on the floor?” (Because I refuse to dig for matching socks at 6:45 AM. Plus, this way we stand a better than 50% chance of you putting on all the pieces of your outfit and me making it downstairs dressed, too.)

“Why can’t I play on your iPad?” (Because you have 30 minutes of reading to squeeze into the next 24 minutes.)

“What’s my Edline password? Xtramath password? Superkids password? Go Math password? Disney Junior password? Magazine drive website password? School lunch code? Bus number? Bus SEAT number?” (AAAAAARGH.)

“Why are you going to Meet the Teacher night? Didn’t you just GO to Meet the Teacher night?” (I am on my 5th event so far this month with a title that includes the words “Meet the Teacher.” I’ll keep going as long as I keep getting invited. I like teachers. Especially yours.)

“Did you really go to bed at 8:30 last night, Mom?” (Yup.)

This is not our easy season, fellow moms. Buckle up for a little turbulence till things settle out. In a few weeks, we’ll all have the hang of this and we’ll be sailing through October with a Pumpkin Spice Latte in hand. Pinky swear. Till then, let’s use “Recalculating” as our mantra and sneak in a little deep breathing here and there. We’ve got this.

Today I sent my middle child off to kindergarten. I was reminded of the day three years ago when my firstborn stepped onto that bus for the first time, and this little guy cried and cried because he couldn’t join her. How time flies.

I was fully prepared for him to be anxious today, given the crescendo we’ve built in our house leading up to this morning, but he surprised me with his easy nonchalance. His three-year-old sister gleefully woke him up at 6:45AM,  giving him a full hour to get ready for the big morning. Oh, boy. He dressed himself in his brand new uniform, brushed his teeth and combed his hair, ate a little breakfast, checked to make sure the snack we’d put in his backpack was still there, and announced that he was ready to go!

He not-so-patiently posed for a few pictures with his sister, trotted off down the street with his backpack, and when that big yellow bus rounded the corner, he was ALL SMILES. He made it easy for me today. I didn’t feel weepy except for the one precious moment when I bent down to kiss the top of his head before he boarded the bus.

We waved to him and he waved back through that little bus window, and I walked back home with our little entourage to get ready for my own work day. It was almost too easy. I was thrilled that he’d done so well, that he felt safe and happy. Truly. But something felt a little bit off.

I got settled in for the morning with my to-do list and my coffee…and that’s when it hit me. I read a blog post someone had shared on Facebook, and the words just undid me. The tears finally came. And you know what? That’s exactly what I needed. I needed to feel it. I needed to put aside the pile of work and let myself get lost in a trip down memory lane thinking back to all the moments that led up to today. I needed to sit for a few minutes imagining the countless milestones yet to come, the moments when being his mother will be the most important job I have. The tears have arrived in waves this morning and I’ve welcomed them as a tangible marker of this milestone.

When I get this little guy off the bus later today, he’ll be all smiles, and so will I.  But we’ll each be a little bit wiser, too, because it’s these milestones that change us…for the better.